It’s the new year; a time when people often reflect on their lives and make resolutions for change.
When we look around at how other people are using their lives, we sometimes wonder how best to use our own. We wonder what lessons we have actually learned traveling this mysterious journey.
We started a tradition three years ago by asking Gateway readers to share the knowledge they have gleaned from living. We continue today with the collective wisdom and belly smarts of six more notable lives.
Here are some of their stories:
Chief of Fire District 5, Gig Harbor
Few will argue that the City of Gig Harbor and the greater Gig Harbor and Key Peninsulas are great places to live. I have only lived here since 1972, but in that time, I have made a few personal observations about quality-of-life issues here in our community.
There are many aspects of the community that make it appealing to so many people. One constant that I have observed is the willingness of the peninsulas’ people to get involved. Whether volunteering at a food bank, volunteering as a firefighter, coaching youth sports or simply lending a helping hand to someone with a particular need — this community is full of people willing to get involved, willing to make a difference.
In my 35 years of service with the fire district, I have seen a great deal of change occur in the community — many more people, infrastructure changes to support population growth, another Narrows bridge, a YMCA, Uptown Gig Harbor, a Boys & Girls Club (soon), Gig Harbor North, roundabouts and St. Anthony hospital, just to name a few.
All of this change presents opportunities for getting involved.
Giving of oneself can come in many forms. The key thing I would tell people is get involved at some level. Involvement is not a ‘one-size-fits-all’ proposition. Involvement, caring, service all mean different things to different people.
Personally I find that some of the most rewarding service is that which is given with no expectation of recognition for the good that one has done. As I’ve gotten older I have come to realize that some of the most lasting memories, some of the best feelings of accomplishment, have come from those times when I have stepped just beyond my comfort level to help someone who for whatever reason is having a particularly difficult time.
Given the current global financial crisis, one can only surmise that more and more people will suffer through some really difficult times – be alert to opportunities for you to make a difference. You’ll be glad that you did.
French teacher, the Peninsula School District
“On ne comprend pas la vie jusqu’à ce qu’on risque de la perdre.” (One does not understand life until one risks losing it.)
I heard this in France 40 years ago as a student at L’Universite de Grenoble. Coming out of poverty, I had worked years for this chance. I had also fallen in love with a premier mountain climber as I worked as a governess for his wealthy family. We shared a love of hiking, climbing, skiing and adventure. However, while he set records, I simply enjoyed sports. His parents disapproved of us. I had planned a humble career as a teacher. He died in a climbing accident a week before my return to the States. I finished my last year at WSU thinking hard about life.
My teaching career began in 1970 after I turned down an offer to work for the CIA as a “listening post” in West Africa. I just wanted to teach French. This life changed suddenly in 1975 when I opened my front door to a drunk and offered help. He decided to kill me.
Hours later I escaped with face, skull and foot fractures, concussion and many lesser injuries including an unrecognizable blue face. I lost my job, my apartment, my boyfriend and my sense of security. Nightmares persisted for years.
I almost lost my vision, but not my outlook. Real friends and close family stood fast. With support I found new jobs and put my life back together. I understood fully what I had almost lost.
The most jolting part of the story occurred about 1990. One very special student who lived in Gig Harbor in foster care ran into my classroom early one morning to announce that her dad had murdered a man and would spend a very long time in prison. I held her as she sobbed. She will never know that this same man had tried to murder me.
My career in teaching has given me purpose as well as years of challenge, inspiration and joy. After parenting, coaching and teaching other people’s children, I even had two of my own. This was the best decision I ever made with my life.
Years ago, my brother and sister helped glue my life back together and they stand by me now as well. I understand what life is worth. Every single day.
CEO of Peninsula Light Co.
I believe that our perception of what life means is shaped by the events or defining moments that occur throughout our lives.
As a younger man working on my graduate degree at Ohio State University, I was determined to be the best that I could be in my career. When I entered the world of employment as an electrical engineer, I was driven by my career and determination to be successful. I worked long hours to prove my abilities and quickly advanced my career.
I realize now that I would have been a difficult person to work for 20 years ago. I demanded perfection from myself and others and wasn’t pleased if the results were less.
Over the years, I developed long term friendships, raised a family and maintained a strong connection to my parents and siblings. Like many of you, I lost some of those that I was close to and over time realized that life is too short and precious to worry about achieving “true perfection.”
Creating a work environment that is healthy, challenging and enjoyable is what is needed for all us to want to report to work. We need a balance between a professional work environment and one in which we can also enjoy laughter and lighter moments. We need to be supportive of our efforts and accomplishments and learn from our misfortunes.
I have learned that our time spent here is a privilege; with each day presenting a fresh opportunity to forgive the past and to live for those precious moments that really matter. As we begin a new year, let’s reflect on what is truly important. It seems unimaginable that our time here is not without a profound sense of purpose.
Founder, Gig Harbor Peninsula FISH and current Board President and Food Bank Coordinator
Philosophy: Practical wisdom.
When asked if I could write about my “philosophy” of life, my first reaction was to wonder if anyone would really be interested. But as someone who reads the obituaries of people they’ve never met, I know that there are some who do read about strangers and that you can learn many lessons from people you’ve never met.
I believe in the “Golden Rule”. You don’t hear much about it anymore but as I was growing up, it was a guiding principle. Someone hurt your feelings? Treat them as you want to be treated.
Need a rationale that works in most circumstances – rely on the “do unto others as you would have others do unto you” principle. No matter where you find yourself in this wide world, it can work wonders, open doors, create friendships and smooth situations. “Give the other person the benefit of the doubt”, “Put yourself in their shoes”, “There are two sides to every story” all stem from that principle.
And when you have a moment, read more from the source of that “Rule” the Bible. Your life will be richer, fuller and more exciting as you realize how its lessons apply to all generations and that the problems you experience aren’t new after all. Consider what the world would be like if everyone really lived by the “Golden Rule”. This is the message Christ brought over 2,000 years ago, a simple message of love.
No man is an island was a song popular some years ago and its message reinforces the Golden Rule philosophy. We all depend and need each other. Society is strengthened by its members who care about each other and have concern for the well-being of other members.
Underlying all of this is the basic understanding that life is not all about me. My “Aha” moment came as a child riding in a car, seeing a child alongside the road and realizing that just as I was seeing him for just a moment in time and would probably never see him again, at that same instant he was seeing me and would probably never see me again.
Each life continuing on, somewhere in the world, lives being lived fully by each person full of joy, sorrow, hopes, dreams and all sharing this common humanity. Richer because of those we meet, befriend, help, pray for and care about. Wonderful stories that could fill unending books.
I greet you with wishes for a life well lived, touched by others and enriched by each experience that comes your way. I hope the “Golden Rule” is one that you also value and that it helps guide your life.
Former District 26 State Representative
This I believe. I hungrily listen to the statements of personal belief that National Public Radio airs each week. The program pays tribute to the thoughtfulness of ordinary people across the landscape of America who reflect on and share their core values of life with us through essays written from the heart.
Their humanity, honesty and integrity are the common denominators as they write about the rules they live by.
Now that I am stepping down from elected office I ask myself: What do I believe; what have I learned to guide my life from the privilege of representing the ordinary and wonderful people whose stories I often heard in Olympia?
I believe in the basic goodness of people, of their innate urge to do right by one another and of my obligation to respond in kind to that truth.
The stories of individual experiences told by these ordinary and wonderful people formed the basis for my actions in the legislature. They painted pictures of courage, fortitude, generosity, commitment, fear, pain, and trust, framed in hopefulness (sometimes only the dimmest of hope) that their voices would be heard and heeded.
I know I heard, and I believe our representative government responds with intelligence and compassion. Even now, I believe I continue to have the responsibility to listen, learn and lend a helpful hand.
Take our promise of justice for all, a commitment we make every time we pledge allegiance to the flag. In the legislature I learned how the promise fell short for families needing a lawyer at a time of crisis when the placement of their children was at stake. I was educated on how the court failed to accommodate people with disabilities.
I listened to domestic violence victims call for better ways to assure their safety. I heard the plea for more legal aid services for low income persons whose fundamental human needs were at risk. People trusted me with their stories; I saw access to justice denied because they were poor.
I believe the voters conferred a privilege and a responsibility upon me to bring justice to all people. I took up the challenge. I believe I am obligated to continue to help make good on that promise.
Finally, I believe that the social compact uniting us gives reason for optimism and hope. In the difficult times we face I believe in the strength of personal convictions and the stability of democratic institutions.
There are no pat answers, but I believe we can dispel fear by reaffirming the best of our social order. Everyday I see lives lived as evidence of the fundamental force of good around me.
Author, China expert
What 87 years have taught me: Not nearly as much as they should have.
Most of it crystallized during 16 years of solitary confinement in Chinese prisons, on false spy charges. I learned about freedom and happiness.
We all engage in the vital struggle for a world of freedom, for human rights. But what freedom could I have in solitary? Not freedom to “do as you please.” Not legal rights. But freedom to understand my situation and to choose how to deal with it.
Freedom is not simply legal rights. You have the right to cross a river, but you can’t cross until you know the currents and the depth, or how to find and use a boat. The ancients understood that: it is knowledge of the truth that makes you free.
Genuine human freedom means understanding how the world works and making use of that knowledge to reach objectives. When we freely choose a goal and work out the path to attain it, then we may exult in real freedom, and we feel the uniquely human happiness that comes with fulfillment.
Human happiness is not just pleasure, thrills and kicks, or escape from suffering. How can we be happy if we are drifting aimlessly, on top of the world one day and cast down in disappointment and frustration the next?
Real happiness is about fulfillment of a life purpose. It involves contributing to the freedom and happiness of others. You can’t find it locked up in the narrow world of your own little ego.
Happiness is about making a difference. It’s about adding a drop or two to the long river of human history, so that your contribution goes on and on long after you have departed, and you have not lived in vain. We “little” people can make a big difference – it’s not about the size of the difference, it’s about whether we make it or not.
In solitary, I continued to pursue the goal chosen when the US Army trained me in Chinese during World War II: to help build bridges between America and China. China, the world’s oldest and most populous country, that needs capital, science, and technology. America, the world’s first great democracy that needs markets for its capital, science, and technology, and that also needs friends on the Pacific Rim. It is a match made in heaven. I couldn’t think of anything more worthwhile.
In solitary, I had to train my will to be the enforcer, so that my thoughts, emotions, and behavior fit in with that goal — whether it was showing my innocence by living with dignity and good cheer, making use of the time by studying diligently, or by keeping fit, or even just by grabbing a chance opportunity to tell a guard a little story about America.
Every single day in solitary was miserable. But every day there was a defiant thread of happiness in the knowledge that I was exercising my freedom to analyze my situation and adopt the path that showed the most promise.
Freedom to act like a human being means taking the initiative, being responsible, making a difference.The strength this generates is available to anybody – nothing special about me.
Retired bank executive
I have always marveled at writers because of their ability to take a topic, or point of view, and develop a message quickly and succinctly. I am known to make a short story very long. I jokingly tell people that I can’t even introduce myself in 10 minutes, much less only have 10 minutes to make a point.
So over the years I used quotes and phrases gleaned from my extensive reading to make my points. They also helped me solidify lessons learned into what was really happening in my life and why I am the way I am. I would like to think I knew it all, which I actually believed I did. However, my early years in banking taught me otherwise.
I worked hard but had no idea where I was going or why. I just believed that if you worked hard, showed commitment to the job you had and the company you worked for, good things would happen. I also began to observe those whom I perceived to be successful. They were happy with life, ongoing achievers, involved with the community, etc. just generally good folks doing good deeds.
I came across a message which put this in perspective for me and clearly articulated the art of living. Credit for this goes to Michener: “As a Master in the Art of Living you draw no distinction between your work and your play, your labor and your leisure, your mind and your body, your education and your recreation, your love and your religion. You hardly know which is which. You simply pursue your vision of excellence through whatever you are doing and leave it to others to determine if you’re working or playing…to yourself you’re always doing both.”
Enjoy what you are doing and have fun at it and, if you are not, change what you are doing. You are in charge of the choices you make.
I believe you are also judged, and your life determined, by the people with whom you associate. Former employees and current family are always bemused by my reminding them to remember who they represent, which is themselves, wherever they are and whatever they are doing.
“A rich life is not how much you have, or where you are going, or even what you are, rich is who you have beside you (author unknown)”. So lastly, I would say the most important choice one makes in life is their mate.
I didn’t know it at the time, but 45 years ago I made a wonderful choice. Life has not been perfect for Carole and me over the years, but our love and commitment to each other has helped overcome any real or perceived concerns.
Having a solid set of spiritual values on which to build your relationships, either personal or professionally, will carry you far.
Life is a journey not a destination.
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