Teenagers need support system when they deal with life’s pressures

Karen Sundell

guest columnist

I was never given the promise that raising a teenager was going to be easy. There have been some priceless moments throughout the years with my two teens, and what I truly have come to appreciate are some of the quotes that have come up during these tumultuous years.

“Adolescence is a period of rapid changes. Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.”

“Mother Nature is Providential: She gives us 12 years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”

“In the time it takes you to understand a 14-year-old, he turns 15.”

I will readily admit I’ve met challenges along the way. I’m ever thankful that none of the challenges have been drugs, alcohol or law enforcement.

But of all the subjects that have been difficult to talk about with my boys, the one that always humbles me is when a student decides to end their own life.

That subject came up again last week when someone my son knew made that choice.

What really saddened me was how my son and his group of friends reacted to the news.

In the past three years, a student who was in his senior year made the agonizing choice to end his life.

It’s a choice that leaves those left behind with so many questions.

The group of friends began to talk about those students, and they began to wonder who it might be in their class when they are seniors; almost as if it was just one of those things that’s just going to happen every year.

Our teenagers are faced with pressures and difficulties we never had to face when we were growing up, and they become especially strenuous during that senior year of high school.

Along with the pressure to fit in socially and to perform academically, they are trying to act responsibly and follow rules and expectations that have been set by others – all while growing into their own self identity.

Technology gives teenager more ways to reach out and connect with their friends, but it also lets them reach out and upset someone. One wrong move, and it’s instantly posted to all their friends and classmates through Facebook, Twitter or text message.

Social networking has both a good and an evil side, and once it’s posted, it never goes away.

Add to that several issues such as AIDS, war, recession, college tuition, jobs, crime, violence and drugs.

They can all lead to feelings such as anger, shame and guilt of maybe failing or disappointing someone. They may feel rejection, hurt or loss, and that often pushes them to find a way to escape. And if they’re depressed, that combination in a teenager can lead to a tragic decision.

What our kids need to know is how much not only we as parents care, but how much the teachers they see every day care. The counselors at the school also care, and they are trained to help them work through those situations.

Chapel Hill Presbyterian Church has set up a program for teens called “Life Hurts, God Heals” just for kids who feel overwhelmed with all these pressures and more.

But the truth is, our kids are more likely to confide in their friends. That’s why it’s always best to know who your children are hanging out with. Really be connected with their lives, and let them know that you want to be there for them.

This subject is very personal for me, as I’ve dealt with it firsthand. The feelings teenagers can have are very real, and they can be overwhelming. They may seek a way to escape, because they don’t yet have the maturity to deal with some of the emotions or feelings they experience.

Some may have a hard time handling all the choices handed to them as they head into adulthood. They may feel isolated.

But if they just give themselves more time and seek out those who can help, things can improve.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: “Life was meant to be lived, and curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for what ever reason, turn his back on life.”

Karen Sundell is a guest columnist for The Peninsula Gateway. She can be reached at 253-858-9544 or by e-mail at ksundell@comcast.net.