On Faith: Faith, hope and charity are discoveries for a new mother

Alfred Gunn

On Faith

In an essay, “The Joyful Surprise of Motherhood,” writer Jean Knight Pace admits that when her first son, Mark, was born, she was shocked to discover that motherhood was the most satisfying and fulfilling thing she had ever experienced.

She hadn’t expected it to be so wonderful.

When her first pregnancy came just two months after she was married, Pace worked through what she calls myths and misconceptions of popular culture regarding motherhood. Such as delaying parenthood “because you will never be able to do that again,” as if the mom were going to have a terrible and disabling accident instead of becoming responsible for a precious gift from heaven.

And the myth that you will lose yourself to your children. The truth, Sister Pace says, is that “you will lose yourself to love. Not having a baby for fear of losing yourself would be like saying, ‘Don’t ever make any friends, and certainly never, ever fall in love, because both of these things will take time and will change your life.’

“I did not resist falling in love,” she writes, “but I did mentally resist parenthood. I was convinced that having this baby so early on was going to ruin my carefully plotted life. He did not ruin my life — in fact, in many ways, he saved it.

“What I mean is this,” she wrote. “We are going to lose our lives to something. I had lost mine to school goals, career dreams, plans, and other people’s demands and expectations for what my life should be. I had listened to the world and its requirements for me as a modern woman. Mark brought me back to myself and to God. He brought me back to the saving fundamentals of faith, hope, and charity.

“First Corinthians 13:13 does not say, ‘And now abideth enough money to travel, a great body, and a successful career, these three; but the greatest of these is a successful career.’ ”

Sister Pace affirms that, for a mother, and even for the father with his responsibility to be the provider, the most important job is in the home and with the family. She affirms that she learned more about the gospel of Christ and about herself from getting married and having a child than she learned from seven years of undergraduate and graduate work, and from 1 1/2 years of missionary service.

These were important for her growth, maturity and knowledge, and they provided a basis for teaching her children.

But, she wrote, “I have come to realize they were steps leading me on to bigger and better things, and one of those bigger and better things is having a righteous family.”

Comparing the experience of parenthood with other things couples do to bond together, Sister Pace says, “A baby is like the ultimate class and the ultimate hobby. A class will not last so long, will not be so funny, will not be so beautiful, so challenging, so living. It will not be something you have created together. It will not look like you. It will not love you.

“And in my experience,” she wrote, “the strength children provide makes it easier (and more fun) for a marriage to endure as well.”

Her message, then, is that the younger generation not be afraid to learn that marriage and parenthood are beautiful things, both here and in the eternities.

On Faith columnist Alfred Gunn, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at Gig Harbor, can be reached by e-mail at alf.gunn@juno.com. For more information, visit www.mormon.org.