Counselor helps process grief in times of crisis

GH woman’s career path changed when she dealt with loss

Susan Schell

of the Gateway

Today, some people are experiencing more stress than ever before. And at one time, those dealing with the loss of a loved one had to go through it alone without help from a professional.

Licensed clinical social worker Julie Cicero’s Gig Harbor practice focuses specifically on individuals who are dealing with mental, social or physical components of grief, crisis or trauma.

“What I’m seeing is a lot of people with old grief issues,” she said. “People carry around issues their whole lives until some life change triggers something. I have one client that had their mother die at a young age, and their father just didn’t help them with it.

“Some people are struggling with long-term care giving for someone with chronic illness. Or people are just stressed. I have clients that say, ‘Life is just too hard.’”

Cicero was working at an insurance company in 2001 when her husband was killed in a snowmobile accident. In the aftermath, her children attended “Bridges,” a center for grieving children at Mary Bridge Children’s Hospital in Tacoma, but she found there weren’t a lot of professional services for adults that dealt specifically with grief.

“When Joe died, they didn’t have a lot of services for those dealing with sudden death,” Cicero said. “A lot of adults go to private counselors, but they don’t know how to deal with grief. There’s a big difference between grief counseling and family counseling, or dealing with alcohol or drug abuse.

“If people go to therapists who aren’t specifically trained in grief and crisis counseling, they’re doing them a disservice.”

Cicero said she was impressed with the counselors at Mary Bridge, whom she called “masters in social work.”

She completely switched gears with her career and enrolled at the University of Washington in Tacoma and got a master’s degree in social work. She wrote a book, “Waking Up Alone: Grief and Healing,” and she worked with terminally ill patients at Hospice of Kitsap County.

“I probably worked with about 500 patients who died and about 4,000 family members,” she said. “In hospice, it’s all about expectations. Knowing people were terminal when I met them sets you up. You just think, ‘What can I do to make the best of their time?’ I recognize where they are and where they’re going.”

People who are hit with the sudden, unexpected death of a loved one are completely bowled over, because there is no preparation, Cicero said. She deals with those situations at her private practice, which she opened last month, but she also helps people manage terminal illness, domestic abuse, stress from extended care giving, divorce, or loss a of independence.

Cicero said some of her clients are bogged down by working too much; they have no free time. A big factor is the plight of the “sandwich generation” — people taking care of older parents while trying to raise their own children, she said.

“I see quite a bit of that,” Cicero said. “We are truly a nation of individualization. Everyone has isolated themselves, and we think we should be able to do everything. We have lost sight of community — how to help each other and how to accept help.”

When she sees a new client, Cicero said she has to investigate and explore what’s going on in a person’s life and what components have added stress. Sometimes it’s a life trigger, and sometimes they’ve taken on too much and are involved in something they’re not comfortable with.

“Even if you’re really good at self-examining, sometimes it’s good to talk to someone who can stimulate an idea or a concept that might help,” she said.

Dealing with family dynamics with an impending death in the family can get pretty challenging, she said. One part of her job she enjoys is talking with senior citizens.

“I love stories,” Cicero said. “And older people are full of stories. They’re wonderful; they take you back. You get to hear about interesting parts of life and the challenging times.

“I didn’t talk to my parents when they were older,” she added. “I wish I knew then what I know today and could go back and talk to them.”

Grief counseling

Julie K. Cicero, MSW, LICSW, can be reached by calling 253-851-3852. She works from her Grief & Crisis Counseling office at 3019 Judson St., Ste. D-2 in Gig Harbor.

Reach Lifestyles Coordinator and reporter Susan Schell at 253-853-9240 or by e-mail at susan.schell@gateline.com.